


Acceptance

by Samsamiam



Series: Sick of Losing Soulmates [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samsamiam/pseuds/Samsamiam
Summary: Tony has always had two soulmates. It’s not entirely unheard of sometimes soulmates die or you get a soulmate who was born in a different generation. With the ever-changing future sometimes, people found their soulmates and ended up with all of them. The point was the fact that tony had Two soulmates wasn’t weird. It was weird how fucking much the marks looked like the handwriting of dead men.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Sick of Losing Soulmates [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754056
Comments: 28
Kudos: 415





	Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Soulmate AU and the premise is the most important words your soulmate says to you are written on your skin in their handwriting.  
> Tony's words are a circle on his chest that eventually surround the arc reactor  
> Big TW for the second section for fairly graphic abuse (if you want to skip it it's the only one) and a minor tw for just some stray bad thoughts and want to die (although no plans or intent).  
> This is roughly what tonys soulmark looks like (full disclosure I'm not an artist i just paint for fun and i kind of forgot to put it in what i hc their handwriting as but i like the visual image so i hope this is good enough)  
> 

Tony has always had two soulmates. It’s not entirely unheard of sometimes soulmates die or you get a soulmate who was born in a different generation. With the ever-changing future sometimes, people found their soulmates and ended up with all of them. The point was the fact that tony had Two soulmates wasn’t weird. It was weird how fucking much the marks looked like the handwriting of dead men.

***

“You’re fucking worthless,” Howard snarls, stalking forward, “The only good thing to come out of you is the fact that your marks look so much like his writing.” He pushes Tony hard enough he hits the ground.

Tony’s older now, no longer a cowering child, back from his first year of college. He’s used to this, used to a drunk and angry Howard telling him he’s only worth his soul mark.

As Howard turns to leave, expecting Tony to stay down, Tony says, “What if it isn’t him?”

“What did you just say?” Howard snarls, turning back around.

“What if I told you I found my soulmate?” Tony says, standing and squaring his shoulders. “What if it’s not him? That yeah, the handwriting looks similar but you were wrong. He’s dead dad. My soul mark proves nothing.”

Howard hits him so hard he goes flying and slams his head into the coffee table behind him. There are black dots swimming in front of his vision.

Howard grabs him by the shirt and jerking him up. Tony groans in pain. “You better hope that never happens because that.” Howard jabs a finger into his chest. “Is the only thing that’s keeping you around. So, you better think hard about what could happen if you didn’t have it.”

Howard drops him and Tony’s world goes dark as his head hits the ground.

***

The older Tony gets the easier it is to forget who Howard thinks his soulmate is, it gets easier to forget he even has them. No one wants him for more than one night, unless they want to use him, so what’s the fucking point. No one’s ever going to love him. He doesn’t deserve it. The universe brands him as unlovable at birth, so he should learn to accept it.

***

He meets Rhodey in college, and Rhodey loves him without condition, and it scares the shit out of him. He’s seen Rhodey’s soul mark and knows he isn’t Rhodey’s soulmate, but no matter how much Tony fucks up, Rhodey stays. Tony doesn’t know what the fuck to do with that.

***

“i’m unlovable,” Tony mumbles as they stagger back to their dorm one night sometime through their sophomore year. Rhodey had pulled him away from whoever he was about to hook up with, and was now dragging his drunk ass home.

“No, you’re not,” Rhodey says with such certainty that Tony doesn’t argue.

***

Tony’s parents die and he has no clue how to feel about that. Tony finds out his father was soulmateless, and thus his mother married someone other than her soulmate. No one bothers to tell him about it, so he finds out with the rest of the world when a mortician leaks it after their death. He must admit that it is rather ironic that the greatest plight of Howards life was covering up the fact that he was without a soulmate, when he tried his hardest to make the press believe Tony was soulmateless.

***

When he wakes up in Afghanistan with a hole in his chest, he’s terrified the words are gone, he scrambles to feel them until Yinsen assures him they’re still there. Tony isn’t sure if he’s feeling relief or disappointment.

***

After everything with Obie, and the press, and SHIELD, things calm down Tony realizes that his soul words fit in a perfect circle around his reactor. Tony is pretty sure the universe is taunting him. He laughs so hard that he isn’t sure if he’s still laughing or just crying. Pepper finds him on the floor of his lab. She looks furious up until the moment she registers him.

She slides down next to him and kicks off her shoes. She leans her head on his shoulder and mumbles, “The investors will have my head.”

“Welcome to the club.” He loves her a little more for not asking about the soul words he isn’t supposed to have or the fact that he is crying on the floor of his lab.

“We’ll go down together,” She says and kisses the side of his head. He smiles and leans his head on hers.

***

Things don’t work out with her no matter how many times they try. She finds her soulmate eventually in the fiery redheaded assistant that ends up being Natasha Romanov, a world-renowned spy. He’s glad she’s Nat’s soulmate. They’ll be good for each other.

***

“ _**Take off that suit of armor, what are you?** _ ” Steve snarls at him.

“Billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist,” Tony says, like those words don’t hurt. Like those words don’t cut deeper than anyone has said to him in a long time.  Like those aren’t the words encircling his heart.

“You aren’t the kind of guy who would make the sacrifice play. The one to lay down on the line and let the other guy walk over you,” Steve stalks towards him, “I can’t believe you’re Howard’s son.”

Tony tries not to flinch. “Oh, did you know my father?” Tony rolls his eyes. “Never knew that.”

Steve scoffs, waves his hand, and walks away. Once he’s gone Tony wants to give up but Banner is still there and he needs to figure out where the tesseract is.

***

His relationship with Steve gets better, slowly, and painfully, but better eventually. Steve starts bringing him food when he doesn’t get out of the lab, and that leads to the blond man hanging out and drawing, or reading, or catching up on everything he misses this century.

Steve listens when he rambles, even if he doesn’t understand. He remembers Tony’s favorite foods, and favorite movies, and all the other stupid little facts Tony tells him, and Tony doesn’t know what the hell do to with that.

No one is supposed to care enough about Tony to remember that stuff. Sure, he has Pepper and Rhodey and Happy who remember the important stuff, and are there for the important stuff, but Steve is there for all the little moments. He remembers all the small things that Tony forgets he even told him half the time and Tony thinks he might be falling in love.

***

Then it turns out Bucky is alive and it makes sense that Steve leaves. He doesn’t know why he feels so jealous. Bucky is Steve’s soulmate. Tony is just Steve’s  other, unknown soulmate, friend He just hopes maybe one day Steve will come back, even if it means that he must watch him with his soulmate.

***

Then everything goes to shit and all Tony can feel is anger. Barnes killed his mom and Steve didn’t tell him. He didn’t give a shit about Howard, that bastard did enough fucked up shit that Tony is almost surprised he wasn’t assassinated early, but his mom didn’t do that shit and she was just collateral damage. Barnes killed his mom and now Tony was going to kill him, Captain America be damned.

Tony knows this is a fight he won’t win. There are two super soldiers against one him and Steve won’t stand down, not when he’s protecting Barnes, but Tony’s prepared to die for this.  Besides what does he have to live for anymore anyway.

That is until Tony asks if he even remembers her and Barnes says, “ _**I remember all of them** _ _**.**_ ” And Tony isn’t stupid he knew it was possible because Steve was one of his soulmates but fuck it didn’t make finding out his parent’s killer is also his soulmate any easier.

It’s too late. He’s gone too far. There’s no going back from this. Steve’s going to kill him and he’s going to let him. He can’t fight his soulmates, not after everything he’d endured before them,  because of them . The rest of the fight is kind of a blur.

When they leave him there in the cold, he isn’t surprised. He knew he wasn’t worthy of a soulmate at least he got to die knowing he had them.

***

He doesn’t die. Friday calls Rhodey who comes as fast as he can,  Rhodey always comes and Tony still won’t ever understand that , when he wakes up the doctors tell him he’s lucky Rhodey found him when he did and he’s not sure how true that is.

He wakes up to a furious Pepper and the arc reactor back in his chest. The doctors break it too him that what Steve did made his heart unstable again and they had to put it back. He supposes he deserves that. When he’s still drugged up, he laughs and says that to Pepper. She looks less angry and sadder, exhausted, and Tony’s pretty sure that’s worse he would rather her angry.

She hugs him and leaves to go run his company when he finally kicks her out but she does come back to visit until he goes back home. He can’t tell if it was worse when no one cared about him or not.

***

He knows he fucked up. He knows that despite everything Barnes was more of a victim than a killer and he knows that if Steve would have just  _ told him  _ he would have figured that out. He knows that what he did was inexcusable but he was just so angry and shocked he didn’t know everything, didn’t really understand the full extent of everything. He knows that’s not an excuse, that there is no excuse, but he still wishes things had gone differently.

***

The day the rogue Avengers are cleared of all charges, Tony messages Steve.

“Come home.”

***

Miraculously they do. Tony stays in the penthouse on the top floor or the lab on the bottom. He allows the Avengers free range of the building; he isn’t stupid. He knows he fucked it up. He knows he doesn’t get to be part of their family anymore. He made his damn bed now he needs to lie in it.

***

“Boss,” FRIDAY’S voice cuts through his sleep one night. He ignores her at first, assuming he’s just overslept an alarm, but then her voice comes a second time and she sound almost panicked, “Boss, please.”

Tony sits up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sergeant Barnes. He will not allow me to notify the Captain. I believe he may be about to do something he will regret,” she replies.

“Shit,” Tony jumps out of bed. “Where is he?” he asks as he sprints for the elevator.

“The roof,” FRIDAY says.

“Take me up,” Tony says. When he steps out of the elevator, Barnes is sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the rooftop.

“Hey,” he says as he sits down next to him, “You’re freaking out the kids.”

Barnes stiffens, “I told FRIDAY not too…”

“She’s a little shit. She’s good at finding loopholes. You told her not to alert Steve. She didn’t alert Steve,” Tony says, almost proud if she didn’t find loopholes to against him, the little traitor.

Barnes sighs harshly, sounding immensely annoyed and Tony tries not to flinch at that. “You should leave.”

“I’m good,” Tony replies, deciding to just charge ahead and push every button he can, it’s what he’s good at.

“Stark,” Barnes says, sounding exasperated.

“My roof, my rules,” Tony says, crossing his arms and not moving.

He knows he’s says something wrong because Barnes stiffens. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Barnes starts to push himself up and oh, oh he isn’t mad he’s upset.

“Woah,” Tony says, grabbing his arm, “That’s not what I meant.”

Barnes slides down and curls in on himself and it hits Tony how fragile he looks in that moment. “You don’t have to pretend like you want me here. I don’t even know how you can stand to have me in the tower. I know you’re doing it for Steve but I don’t know how you can.”

“Can what?” Tony’s pretty sure he already knows the answer but you know what they say about ass’s and assumptions.

“Live with a murderer,” Barnes mumbles.

“Damn and I thought I had a shitty view of myself.” Tony says, knowing he needs to make this right, he can’t allow Barnes to keep beating himself up for this. He turns to him. “Barnes, I forgave you before I forgave Steve.”

“What?” He recoils.

“You were brainwashed. I needed time, but it wasn’t your fault. I knew it wasn’t your fault. Steve drove his shield into my chest and damn near killed me.” That’s the first time he’s admitted that to either of them. “It was in defense of you and I get that, but, in the end, it was easier to forgive you.”

He purposely excludes that they’re his soulmates, that Steve’s betrayal cut so deep because Tony was already in love with him. He doesn’t say any of that because he’s fucked Barnes up enough, he doesn’t need to add this to it.

“Tony,” Barnes doesn’t seem to realize he used his first name.

“James,” Tony return the gesture. “This is long overdue. It’s not your fault and I should really be the one asking for it, but I forgive you.”

Tony decides that pretending like he doesn’t see the tears in Barnes’s eyes when he turns to him, looking so vulnerable, is the best bet.

***

Friday alerts him when Barnes goes off the rails from that point on. he’s pretty sure she still alerts Steve during the day but Barnes stops her from alerting him at night so it’s Tony who talks him down most of the time.

***

A couple days later Barnes, Bucky he’s still getting used to that, slinks down to his lab.

“What’s up?” Tony asks spinning to face him.

He’s rubbing his metal arm looking down. “Steve says I should come down here. I… um… my arm.” He gestures to it.

“Sure, sit down,” Tony says, spinning a chair out to him.

Tony stands to go find tools. “So, what’s the problem.”

“It hurts sometimes.” Bucky says, sitting down and laying his arm on the table Tony slides next to him.

“Hurts how?” Tony asks, sitting down.

Bucky rubs the back of his neck and says, “I guess it shocks me sometimes?” like that’s not that bad.

“It  _ shocks  _ you? As in electricity? Jesus how long has this been going on?” Tony asks, “I’m going to open the plates now.”

“It started a little after I left Hydra.”

“Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” Tony asked, gently unscrewing the plates until he had access to the inside.

“You’ve done enough.” and Ow Tony knows he deserves that but he flinches at it anyway. And Bucky frantically adds, “Shit I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. I meant like you’ve done enough for me. You’re letting me live here and you’re paying for everything and I mean that program you made vomit?”

“BARF,” Tony says, laughing.

“Yeah that. I just meant I didn’t want to bother you with one more thing.” Bucky shrugs and then hisses in pain.

Tony stops touching that particular wire and says, “New house rule. Bother me. I don’t care if you’re just feeling bitchy because we don’t have fucking orange juice. Come bother me about it and I’ll get it fixed. Got it?”

“I fucking hate orange juice,” Bucky says laughing.

“I’m sorry you hate orange juice?” Tony says, laughing.

“Yeah if a drink is chunky that should be a sign it’s bad,” Bucky says.

“You’re a monster,” Tony realizes he’s said the wrong thing from the crumped look on Bucky’s face and okay yeah shit that was a little too close to home so he tries to make it better. “I didn’t mean…” he trails off and decided to change the subject, “You know what I mean about the bothering me rule right? I mean it.”

Bucky nods. “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

“Jesus,” Tony says, when he finally looks in the arm.

He knows he can’t let Bucky find out what he just found out so when Bucky starts anxiously twisting and trying to see inside, he looks away and pretends to be busy with something inside the arm.

“What?” Bucky asks.

Tony shakes it off and says, “How much do you need the arm?”

“What the fuck is that supposes to mean?” Bucky snaps.

“This is a shit arm. I could build you a better one but I can’t leave this piece of shit on you. I don’t know how you’re even functioning. You seriously had to down play your pain levels.” Tony says.

Bucky rubs the back of his neck and says, “I might have said it was less than what it was.”

“I can get it off right now if you want,” Tony says, “It’s not attached to your nerves or anything as far as I can tell.”

“Yeah can’t feel anything in that arm,” Bucky says.

“I can fix that,” Tony says, turning to his computer, “With the new arm I can probably program it so you can feel stuff.” He knows it might be impossible but he’s pretty sure he can.

“Really,” Bucky’s voice is low and soft. “You don’t have too if…”

“If you say anything about bothering me or being an inconvenience, I’ll cut off your other arm and make you two new ones.”

Bucky laughs at that. “Okay, point taken. Get this piece of shit off me.”

***

The minute Bucky’s gone Tony gets so drunk he can barely see straight enough to call Rhodey.

“Tony?” Rhodes’s voice comes through the phone, “What’s wrong? It’s late.”

“My fucking dad built the arm.” Tony slurs, suddenly realizing how long it’s been since he drank, how much of a light weight he’s become.

“What?” Rhodey asks.

“Bucky’s fuckin arm,” Tony slurs, “’s my dad’s. There’s no way in hell it’s not.”

“Jesus. Did you tell him?” Rhodey replies, sounding concerned.

“Did I tell him that his piece of shit arm was made by the piece of shit man who fathered my piece of shit ass right before I offer to make him a new one? No,” he points at the phone even though he knows Rhodey can’t see him, “I did not tell him.”

“Can’t speak for the arm. Your dad was a piece of shit. But you aren’t.” he hates how fucking soft Rhodey’s voice sounds, like Tony’s too fragile to handle anything else.

“Rhodes. I’ll never understand you.” Tony smiles, suddenly missing him.

“Glad I can be a man of mystery to you.” He doesn’t sound as light hearted as Tony thinks he’s trying to he just sounds concerned and Tony feels bad for bothering him. “You want me to call Pepper over? I’ll get on the nearest flight back but I won’t be there tonight.”

“No, no don’t call Pepper don’t book a flight. I’m fine. I was just thrown,” Tony insist.

“You’re drunk off your ass,” Rhodey says.

“Okay yeah I won’t deny that.” Tony says, laughing. “I’m fine boo bear. Promise. I got very drunk. I’m dealing with it. I’ll be fine in the morning.”

“fine but I’m calling Steve to check on you.”

“No!” Tony yells, “No Steve! He can’t know! He definitely can’t know”

“Fine no Steve.”

***

Rhodes calls Steve, traitor. Steve finds him in the lab an hour later.

“Jesus Tony what the fuck?” Tony flinches at how angry Steve sounds.  If he was being honest with himself it wasn’t Steve Tony heard in that moment.

Tony starts laughing, because of fucking course it’s Steve who finds him like this, except when he does Steve’s whole face softens and Tony realizes he’s actually sobbing.

Steve walks over and picks him up off the floor. Tony groans as the whole world spins and he’s suddenly very concerned he’s going to throw up all over Steve and he must say that out loud because Steve says, “It’s okay Tony. I got you. Let’s get you to bed.” He gently kisses his forehead

“’M sorry,” Tony whimpers.

Steve shushes him and Tony shivers. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. you don’t have to apologize.”

Tony closes his eyes and lets himself drift in Steve’s arms.

“Jesus. What the hell? I was down there like an hour ago.” Bucky’s voice cuts through and sends Tony into high alert.

“Wait!” Tony slurs, “No. No Bucky! Can’t see me like this. He can’t know.”

“Can’t know what Doll?” Bucky asks, gently brushing the hair out of his face.

“’M so sorry,” He mumbles.

“It’s alright Doll. Nothing to apologize for,” Bucky says, softly, “Let’s get you to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.”

He registers being laid down in a bed that isn’t his own. “Like it when you call me that.”

“Call you what?” Bucky asks, brushing the hair from his face.

“Doll, easy to pretend. You never call me it before. Please call me it more.” Tony feels himself fading fast as he mumbles those words.

Bucky pushes his hair out of his face and kisses his forehead, “Whatever you say Doll.”

Tony hums contently and curls up in the bed, burying his face in the pillow, and drifts off to the smell of both, lulling him to sleep.

***

The first thing Tony registers when he wakes up is the throbbing pain in his head. The second thing he realizes is that he is in a bed that is not his own.

“you’re up.”

“How the hell did you even know that I haven’t moved?” Tony groans, pushing himself up.

“You’re breathing pattern changed,” Bucky replies, holding out a cup and aspirin.

“That’s a little creepy,” Tony says, taking the pills, “You have to admit it’s a little creepy.”

“I’m allowed to regulate you’re breathing.” Bucky shifts forward and gets this serious look on his face that makes Tony know he royally fucks something up. “Tony what the hell happened last night?”

“Nothing,” Tony says, shaking his head and sliding out of bed, “Nothing. Just went a little too hard on drinking. Hadn’t drank in a while.” Something strikes him as he’s sliding his pants back on. “You didn’t take off my shirt last night, right?”

Bucky shakes his head, “Steve took off your jeans because he read some article about them cutting off circulation or something. I don’t know he’s the definition of an old man with the internet. Sorry not the point. No, he just took off your pants but he felt really bad about it, got all blushy and worried about keeping your modesty.”

Tony laughs. “I don’t think I have any modesty left. But uh thanks. For not taking off my shirt. I don’t really like other people being near the reactor. All the shit with Obie kinda fucked me up in the head for that.” It’s only half a lie. He can’t deal with the rejection when they find out he’s their third quite yet, he’ll tell them eventually just not yet. “So, thanks. For everything. Sorry Rhodes called and bothered you. I told him not too.”

“Hey house rule goes both ways. You bother me. I bother you.”

Tony laughs, softly. “Okay. Both ways. I should go back to the lab.”

“Wait,” Bucky says and he has that stupid I feel like I’ve done something wrong tone that Tony can’t just ignore so he turns around.

“What’s up Buckaroo?”

Bucky shifts nervously from foot to foot. “Did I… did I do something wrong? Yesterday I mean when I was in the lab. If the arm is too much or if I did something wrong you can just tell me. The old arm really wasn’t  _ that _ bad…”

Tony needs to stop that thought right there because he was not going to let Bucky blame himself for his own shit. “That god damn arm was prehistoric,” Tony says, “I’m making you a new one. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t about you.”

“You’re sure?” Bucky still looks so god damn small that it hurts Tony.

“Bucky.” Tony puts his hand on his shoulder. “I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my shit don’t worry about it.”

Bucky nods but looks less upset so Tony turns to leave. As he walks out, he hears a soft, “Have a good day Doll,” from behind him.

He freezes for a second and then looks over his shoulder. “Have a good day Bucky.”

He’s so distracted that he doesn’t see Steve until he runs right into him.

“Hey,” Steve says, grabbing his arm to steady him, “Where you going?”

“Lab. I wanna get started on Buck… Barnes’s arm.” Tony looks at the ground, avoiding eye contact with Steve and shifting backwards.

“Tony we should…” he trails off and Bucky must be making some motion over his shoulder because he drops Tony’s arm and nods. “Okay. Let us know if we can help at all.”

Tony nods and maneuvers around him and walks calmly until he knows he’s out of their line of sight and then he sprints to the lab.

***

After that they start hanging around the lab more often. Tony brushes it off as them wanting to make sure he doesn’t fuck up Bucky’s arm by getting too drunk to properly work on it. It’ll go away. they’ll leave him alone again. that’s just how things are and it’s fine. He’s used to it. People leave that’s what they do.

***

“Okay,” Tony says, spinning around.

“What?” Steve asked.

“It’s done,” Tony says, “It’s not perfect but it’s lighter weight. I’ll make it better. I promise this is just a prototype but I didn’t want you to go armless for too long and…”

“Tony,” Bucky says putting his hand on his shoulder, “Doll. I’m sure it’s perfect.”

Tony’s eyes flick to Steve but he quickly looks away and steps back. He coughs and pushes the stool out to Bucky without looking at him. “Sit.”

Bucky sits down and Tony attaches the arm. “How’s that feel?”

Bucky rolls his shoulder. “Good. My shoulder hurts less it doesn’t feel like it’s weighing me down anymore.” He ran his other hand along it. His head jerks up and his eyes are huge.

“What?” Tony says, hurrying over, “What’s wrong?”

“I can feel that?” Bucky says, eyes wide.

“Oh yeah,” Tony says, shaking his head, “I told you I could make it do that.”

“I thought you were just telling me that to make me feel better about taking the arm off,” Bucky says, “how did you…”

“The shocking was actually what made me figure it out. I… um,” he rubs the back of his neck, “I think they put some control mechanism in your arm. Where the malfunction that was causing the shocks was wasn’t somewhere that you should have been feeling it. So, I took a shot, figured out what frequency the arm was going at and figured it would line up with whatever they attach to you.”

“Wait,” Steve steps forward and Tony didn’t know what he did wrong but he knows Steve looks real pissed off. “You’re saying they fucking chipped Bucky so they could shock him.”

“I’m not certain but I’m pretty sure. If he couldn’t feel anything in that arm, he shouldn’t have been able to feel the shocks.” A loud bang cuts Tony off and he flinches.

“Steve!” Bucky snaps, “Calm the fuck down!”

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice is soft and cracking and Tony really feels like he shouldn’t be there. When Bucky cups Steve’s face in his hands is when Tony finally turns away. He could hear Bucky saying something soft to Steve and Tony wants to shrink in on himself and disappear this god damn world wasn’t fair. Bucky shouldn’t have had to go through what he did and Steve didn’t deserve to have to watch his soulmate die only to find out he had been tortured for years.  And maybe just maybe Tony didn’t deserve to have to watch from the outside knowing they didn’t love him.

“Sorry,” Steve finally says and Tony’s pretty sure it’s directed at him, because he’s raised his voice back to talking level, so Tony turns back around. Bucky is still standing and Steve has his flesh hand clasped in his but he steps back ever so slightly.

“It’s fine.” Tony shakes his head. “Um yeah so whatever they put in you to uh do that.” He waves vaguely at Bucky’s old arm. “I figured it was probably connected to your nervous system and if I could figure out the frequency, I could make it so you could feel without having to cut you open. It really wasn’t that big a deal.” Tony rubs the back of his neck. Bucky lunges forward and wraps his arms around Tony.

“It’s amazing,” Bucky sniffles, “You’re amazing. You’re a genius.”

“It’s really not that big a deal.”

Bucky pulls back. “It’s amazing Doll. I don’t know how you do it.”

Steve steps forward. “Tony it truly is very impressive. Thank you so much.” And then Tony knows he’s dreaming because Steve hugs him. Steve hasn’t hugged him since before everything with Bucky  and Tony gets it, he really does. He’s a danger but that doesn’t make the ache in his chest go away.

“It’s really not that big a deal,” Tony says when Steve pulls back.

“It is. It’s a huge deal. You’re a marvel Doll.” Bucky leans forward and kisses his cheek and then goes back to where he was sitting on the couch like what he did was just completely fucking normal. Tony’s eyes flick to Steve’s and he expects to see him full of righteous rage, Bucky was Steve’s soulmate after all, but all he sees is the soft look Tony has only ever seen Steve give Bucky and what the fuck is he supposed to do with that.

“Thank you,” Steve says, clasping his shoulder for a brief moment, “You have no idea how much this means.”

***

They stay and that makes no sense to Tony. They keep coming down to the lab even after the arm is done. Even after Tony makes a dozen changes and every upgrade he can think of. He must have done something wrong and they’re too nice to tell him what he wants. They can’t be staying for any other reason,  right?

***

Tony suddenly cuts the silence by laughing harshly. “I give up.”

Both Steve and Bucky look up from what they’re doing. “What’s wrong doll?” Bucky asks, tilting his head.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Tony snaps, rounding on them.

“Do you want us to leave?” Steve asks, slowly. He’s got that kicked puppy look on his face that always makes Tony want to slap and hold him.

“No,” Tony sighs, “That’s not what I… I don’t understand why you’re here.”

“I’m confused. Doll if you want us to go, we’ll go.”

“Jesus,” Tony slumps into his chair and put his face in his hands, “That’s not what I meant.”

Suddenly Bucky is in front of him and his hands are grabbing Tony’s wrists and pulling his hands away from his face. “Talk to us doll.”

Tony shakes his head. “You don’t know. So why do you stay?”

“Know what?” Steve asks, standing and walking to behind Bucky.

“Nothing.” Tony pushes his chair backwards to escape Bucky’s grasp. “Forget I said it. Never mind. I’m just being an idiot.” He laughs. “But when aren’t I?”

“You’re a genius Tony,” Steve says but he has this stupid fond look on his face.

“This is what I mean. You can’t just say shit like that!” Tony says. “Did Vision say something? I thought I wiped all that from his data base before I put Jarvis in him.” Tony backs up, shaking his head, until his back hits the table and he has nowhere else to go. “Maybe I missed something and he remembers enough to think you know.”

“Tony,” Steve says in the soft voice he’s only ever heard him use on Bucky. “Breathe. You’re spiraling. Vision didn’t say anything. What did you think he told us?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Tony shakes his head and turns back to his work. “Forget it.”

“Tony,” Bucky says, firmly, and Tony never realizes how much Bucky calls him Doll until he didn’t, “Tell us what’s wrong.”

When Tony didn’t turn Bucky grabs his shoulder. “Tony. You can’t just go off like that and then act like nothing happened.”

Tony shrugs him off. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Tony,” Steve steps forward and he looks all the commanding captain he looks on the battle field.

“Steve,” Tony says, turning and fixing him with the same look Steve’s giving him.

Bucky steps between them. “Come on. what’s wrong? You know you can talk to us about anything right?”

“Not about this,” Tony mumbles, “You are literally the only two people in the world I can’t tell,” he then adds almost silently, “You’re the only ones I would want to tell anyway.”

“Tony what are you saying?” Steve asks.

Tony shrinks in on himself and shakes his head. “Never mind. Forget it.”

Tony almost wishes he’d fallen in love with idiots because he sees the minute Bucky figures it out. “You can’t tell us but you want too. In fact, were the only people you want to tell.” Bucky steps toward Tony and he suddenly feels trapped, “Tony.” He knows he’s figured it out he can see it written all over his face, “are you our third?”

And Tony can’t lie, not anymore, so he closes his eyes and nods.

“Oh Tony,” Steve says, so gentle Tony knows it has to be a rejection, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Tony laughs harsh and bitter, “Why didn’t I tell you?” He pushes past Bucky. “Do you think I’m stupid? Or maybe blind? Just because we’re fucking soulmates doesn’t mean I’m not painfully aware of that fact that I’ll never measure up.” Tony closes his eyes and rubs his hand over his face. “Should hear some of the shit the papers say about your third after you were declared dead. Don’t pretend like I mean shit to you Steve. If it’s me or him you’ll pick him without hesitation. Don’t patronize me and pretend like you wouldn’t. You already have.” Tony turns to leave.

“Tony stop!” Steve yells and lunges forward stopping Tony in his tracks.

“Let me go!” he yells and jerks harshly away, unable to escape.

“No,” Bucky says, stepping forward and blocking his escape at the same time Steve drops his wrist. His stance was wide and commanding. “You don’t get to run away this time.” His posture softens and he steps towards Tony and reaches out his flesh hand. “Doll talk to us.”

Bucky’s fingers hover inches away from Tony’s face and Tony must suppress the urge to lean into it. Tony crosses his arms over his chest and he steps back only to find himself stumbling into Steve. He flinches when he feels his back hits Steve’s chest.

He turns on Steve and snaps, “can’t you just give me some fucking space!” this time when he tries to shove past Bucky, they let him leave.

***

Bucky is the one who ends up coming to him. They must have agreed it was best to only send one of them. Tony is slumped over on his bed when Bucky comes in.

He sits down next to him. “Tony,” he says, near silent. “If… If you don’t want to be with me. I’ll back off. You can have Steve. I’ve… I’ve done enough.”

“Bucky,” Tony says, “I told you. That’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.”

“You might not blame me but that doesn’t mean you want to be with me. I mean God I don’t know how you can stand to be around me Tony,” Bucky says.

“Bucky stop,” Tony says, “That’s not what’s wrong. Jesus do you really think that?”

“Yeah Tony. I killed your fucking parents,” Bucky barks, curling in on himself.

“You didn’t kill my parents. Hydra killed my parents.”

“Fine,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes, “Hydra used me to kill your parents.”

“yeah they used you. you didn’t have control Bucky,” Tony says, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Bucky slumps over and leans against Tony. “I…”

“It’s okay.” Tony kisses the side of his head. “I’ve got you.”

“Can I see them?” Bucky asks, sitting up. “Your words?”

“If you want,” Tony says, shrugging and pulling his shirt off. Bucky reached out to touch them but Tony flinched away and he pulled back. “Sorry,” Tony mumbles, “The arc reactor… it just… I don’t like people touching it.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky says, “I’m sorry I have to ask you something.”

“What?” Tony asks, taking his hand and guiding it back to his chest.

“It didn’t make sense until now and I wasn’t even sure that I was right but did you stop fighting? In the bunker when we first met. Those words… they’re…” Bucky fumbled over his words eventually trailing off.

“They’re what you said to me. When I asked if you remembered her,” Tony finishes, nodding.

“I’m so sorry…” Bucky starts and Tony’s too tired to keep fighting Bucky over who’s guilty.

“Bucky don’t…” He says, with a sigh.

“No wait just let me. please,” Bucky says. When Tony nods he continues, “I know you don’t blame me for your parent’s death but it was still my face. I still almost killed you in that bunker.”

“I went after you first,” Tony says, waving his hand.

“You stopped,” Bucky says, “When you realized I was your soulmate.”

It hits Tony that it’s not a question so he doesn’t respond, just puts his shirt back on and takes the hand Bucky extends, allowing him to pull him up. “Where… where do we go from here?”

Bucky pulls him all the way to his chest and wraps his arms around him. “We’ll figure it out.” Tony melts in his arms. He’s so tired. He doesn’t want to fight anymore. He can’t be alone anymore.

“You don’t have to,” Steve says and it takes him a minute to realize he’s says it out loud.

Bucky steps back and turns to Steve, who’s standing in the door way, and it takes everything in Tony not to whine.

“I came to see how things were going,” Steve says.

“Making sure I don’t try to kill him again?” Tony laughs harshly and shrink into himself.

“Doll,” Bucky coos, turning to him. Tony steps back.

Steve steps fully into the room. “Tony.”

“No, it’s fine,” Tony says, shaking his head, “It wouldn’t be an unfair assumption. I tried to kill him. I shouldn’t be here. I should have just left, given you the tower and gone somewhere else. I…”

“Tony.” Steve steps closer. “You’re spiraling. It’s okay. Just breathe.” He reaches out and takes Tony’s hands in his own. “Tony.”

“Stop saying my name like that!” Tony snaps, flinching backwards and pulling away.

“Doll, stop putting up walls,” Bucky says, stepping in between them, cupping his face.

“I can’t,” Tony says, “It’s too much.”

“Sweetheart,” Bucky says, gently, “We’re not asking for you to be completely vulnerable tonight but you have to stop pushing us away.”

Steve steps forward. “Tony, I love you. I’m so sorry for what I said, what words I left on you that weren’t true to the kind and amazing person you are.”

Tony’s barks out a laugh, harsh and self-deprecating. “Don’t,” Tony says, shaking his head, “Don’t tell me you love me. You don’t mean it. It’s just because you found out I’m your third. This.” he gestures between them. “will go away.”

Steve whines and steps around Bucky to stand in front of Tony. “That’s not true.”

“Steve believe me. I understand how this works. It’s okay really. You two are happy without me. It sucks but I’ve lived without soulmates for this long I’ll survive. I don’t want you to rush into something and realize that being soulmates doesn’t make you love me. Then you’ll feel stuck with me and grow to resent me but you won’t leave because you’re both self-sacrificing idiots.”

“We’re the self-sacrificing idiots?” Steve suddenly cuts in, “Tony what do you think this is? You’re saying you don’t want to be with us because you want us to be happy. Tony did you ever consider that maybe we would be happier  _ with _ you than without you? Tony if you don’t want to be with us because  _ you _ don’t want too then we will respect that. So far, all the reasons you have given us have been about how we don’t want you but we do. We want you. We wanted you before this. I have been in love with you since before Bucky came back. I won’t speak for Bucky but I see the way he looks at you Tony.”

“I love you Doll,” Bucky says from behind Steve, “I love you so much. I don’t know when I fell in love with you but I know I love you. I knew I loved you before I knew about the marks.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Tony says, nearly silent.

“We can decide that for ourselves,” Steve says.

“You’re so stubborn,” Tony says, laughing breathlessly.

“He’s always been like that,” Bucky says, sounding so smug.

“You two will be the death of me,” Steve says, turning back to Bucky, smiling.

“You love us anyway,” Bucky replies.

“You’re both idiots,” Tony cuts in.

Bucky laughs and moves to stand next to Tony. “And we’re all yours.” Tony flushes and looks down. Bucky cups his face and tilts his face upward. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Tony says without hesitation. Bucky moves to cup his cheek and gently presses their lips together. Tony places a hand on Bucky’s waist. When they pull back Tony is flushed and Bucky is smiling.

Bucky leans forward and whispers in Tony’s ear, “Look at Steve.”

Tony’s eyes flick over and Steve was bright red and trying to look like he wasn’t watching them.

Tony unravels himself from Bucky’s arms and walks over to Steve. “You wanna kiss me Steve?” Steve’s head snaps up and he nods wordlessly. Tony leans up and presses his lips to Steve’s. Steve’s arm goes around his waist and Tony brings his hand up to wrap around the back of Steve’s neck.

When they pull away Steve rests his forehead on Tony’s. Bucky comes up behind them and drapes his arm over Tony’s shoulders and wraps them around Steve’s neck. Bucky buries his face in Tony’s shoulder and kisses his shoulder blade. Tony feels swallowed whole by them and it’s the first time Tony feels truly safe and loved. It’s the first time he really thinks that everything will work out. He knows everything isn’t fixed yet and there is still so much to talk about but he lets himself relax for once.

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this in my drafts for a year and a half because i am struggling to write the final part of this series but i am so proud of it and i hope you like it! I'll probably put Bucky's out within the next week and hopefully finish Steve's part soon so i can publish it after. These can all be read as stand alones though.  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


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